Oh, how great is the mercy of God!! This one might be a little long, dear friends, as I “work out” my “salvation with fear and trembling.” (Philippians 2:12)
While working on my Bible study homework today, I read Leviticus 26. Leviticus is not an easy book to read. There is so much that we do not understand, especially living on this side of grace, on this side of the cross of Christ. Leviticus 26 starts with the blessings from God for obedience (verses 1-13). It continues with the punishment for disobedience (verses 14-39), then ends with God’s mercy by returning to Him (verses 40-46). It’s pretty harsh stuff, the passages on disobedience. I was pretty struck by how this was my life.
I came to Christ when I was 15, but promptly turned away. I had questions & went to several youth leaders. I was told not to question God that questions show God I have no faith. In their defense, they did the best they could, to point me to God. However, in my youth, I took it to mean I couldn’t ask God anything. It’s not that my questions were anything difficult, like why is there suffering, I just didn’t understand the Bible & what Jesus’ teachings meant. While I was raised going to church, knew some Bible verses and some of the stories, I just wanted greater understanding. This led me to turn my back on God. I spent many years running….running away from my family, friends, from myself. But really I was running from God.
Leviticus 26 is pretty clear that there is no end to the running. Verse 17 even states “you will flee even when no one is pursuing you.” This is how I lived a good portion of my life. I was far from God, running endlessly. I tried to give my life to the Lord again in my early 20’s. I tried & tried, but didn’t feel like I would ever measure up to what God wanted. I was still sinful & couldn’t break out of bad habits. I tried & tried, not through the power of Christ, but in my own power. This turned out to be extremely dangerous. And again, I turned away for the love & approval of a man. My marriage was abusive, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I did everything I could to try to please him. My life was exceptionally destructive, just as Leviticus 26:14-39 say it would be. Yet, when I cried out to the Lord to deliver me, to rescue me, He was faithful & did it, just like He said He would in Leviticus 26:40-46. I still don’t quite understand the mercy of God; however, I have no questions about that anymore. (I was truly blessed several years ago to find out a lot of people, including pastors & teachers of God’s Word, had a lot of the same questions I did at 15 – and it is okay to ask.)
The journey after God rescued me has been a crazy one. I did get divorced. I had been living in fear since. After 5 years of restraining orders, of planning escape routes should I run into my ex, of making sure I have my phone in hand at all times in case I needed to call 9-1-1, there seemed no end to the constant looking over my shoulder. Even though all this, God was faithful. He protected me & kept me & my son safe. God even blessed me with an incredible man, one so opposite of my ex. Every day I am reminded of James 1:17 “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” After the life I lived before really giving my life to Christ, I had what I deserved….abuse, destruction, degradation, no self-worth. But God had better for me, all of which is outlined in Leviticus 26:1-13.
Please don’t get too judgmental on me here, dear hearts. In August of last year, God completely removed the threat. My ex was killed in a car accident. While I had been praying for years that God would keep him from me, my boyfriend, my son, my family, I did not pray he be wiped out. I also can’t explain how I felt when I heard that he had died. What a wave of relief. The threat was removed, totally & completely. No more restraining orders, no more planning escape routes, no more worries. PTSD is a crazy thing.
Leviticus 26:6 (NLT) says “I will give you peace in the land, and you will be able to sleep with no cause for fear. I will rid the land of wild animals and keep your enemies out of your land.”
God has done this for me. I’m not always obedient. I certainly don’t live out my faith in Christ perfectly, but God loves me perfectly despite myself. It took me years to understand that I cannot do anything without Christ. I cannot earn my salvation and redemption. Jesus did this for me because He chose to. There is nothing I can do but accept it. This is amazing grace. It makes no sense. God has redeemed me, forgiven me, adopted me & loves me so much more than I can ask or imagine.
I love that God reminds me often what He has done for me. I love that I can draw near to Him, read His Word, find my life on the pages & find myself secure in Him. I pray you do as well.
***All Scripture references from the NIV84 unless otherwise note***
