From Ashes to Beauty....: July 2013

Sometimes I don’t know where to go with what You reveal to me, Lord. Thank you for the blog, for giving me an outlet of writing, more so than just in my journals. This didn’t make it on our blog, yet. At least now, I know in part, why You held me off. I praise You, Lord. May this bring You glory. I give you my fingers, hands, mind, will, understanding, mouth, Lord. You write & speak as You see fit. I pray, Lord, that You will be seen & heard, not me. This is for You, Lord. I love You!!!

From Beth Moore’s “Believing God” Page 26, in reference to Judges 6:34. “’Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon Gideon”. The Hebrew for ‘come upon’ is labesh, which means to wrap around, to put on a garment or clothe. The interlinear Bible reads, ‘and the Spirit of Jehovah clothed Gideon with Himself.’ God Himself became both the covering for Gideon’s guild and the armor for Gideon’s victory.” What an awesome truth! In Colossians 3:9, Paul tells us “you have taken off your old self with its practices” and verse 12 states to “clothe yourself”. It’s really that simple. Here I try & try because I want to please God. Yet, why am I trying so hard? Not that I shouldn’t, but I should let God more often, if you know what I mean. Any attempt on my own to earn my way to God or of my own righteousness, God views as filthy (Isaiah 64:6). The good news is, God has already providing the clothing. Not only that, He is the clothing! He took off my old self when I accepted His grace through faith in Christ. He has literally wrapped Himself around me. When I feel tempted to take back my old self, I need only remember to depend on God’s strength & let Him clothe me once again. I need to give up my own strength & rely more deeply on Him who saved me. Forgive me, Lord, when I look to myself for what I need.

Here are some characteristics God clothes us in:

He clothes us in His Spirit: 1^st Chronicles 12:18 “Then the Spirit came upon Amasai” 2nd Chronicles 24:20 “Then the Spirit of God came upon Zechariah son of Jehoiada the priest.”

He clothes us with salvation: 2^nd Chronicles 6:41 “May your priests, O LORD God, be clothed with salvation.” Psalm 132:16 “I will clothe her priests with salvation, and her saints will ever sing for joy.”

He clothes us with righteousness: Job 29:14 “I put on righteousness as my clothing; justice was my robe and turban.”

Isaiah 59:17 “He put on righteousness as his breastplate, and the helmet of salvation on his head; he put on the garments of vengeance and wrapped himself in zeal as in a cloak.”

Isaiah 61:10 “I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation, and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest , and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.”

The Greek word for “put on” also means to “invest with clothing”. We are to put on God’s armor. Isaiah 59:17 is partially where Paul gets this from. But notice, in Isaiah, its God putting the armor on. We are also to put on Christ’s characteristic. In Colossians 3:12, Paul tells us to “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

Christ tells us that He will clothe us “with power from on high.” Luke 24:49 Again, Paul tells us, in 2^nd Corinthians 12:9, that Christ’s power will “rest” on us, when we depend on God for His strength.

Though God reminds me often, though I pray for God to clothe me every day, I fail. Yet God is patient with me & gives me gentle reminders. When I think I can accomplish any of this on my own, I am woefully wrong. The good news is that while I may fail, God never does. Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Zephaniah 3:5 is great reminder, “The LORD within her is righteous; he does no wrong. Morning by morning he dispenses his justice and every new day he does not fail; yet the unrighteous know no shame.”

I no longer want to be clothed in shame. I want to be clothed in God’s righteousness. Only through humble surrender can this be done. Seems like it should be so easy. There again, God reminds me, in Romans 12:2, “but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” and again in 2^nd Corinthians 10:5 “we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.” Hebrews 12:2 “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus”. I pray you believe when I tell you I am the farthest thing from good at this. All I know is walking by faith is the hardest, more rewarding thing I’ve ever done in my life. I thank God every day just for putting up with me. I don’t think about “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable” Philippians 4:8 A good portion of the time, it’s God bringing my thoughts back to Him, not other way around. Truth is, I can try and try and try. All my efforts will be of no use. It’s only Christ in me, the hope of glory, that I am clothed in righteousness, that I stand before God innocent. It really is amazing grace, my loves. Titus 3:4 “But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.”

I praise you, Papa God! You love us too much to leave us in the same condition we came to you. Apart from You, we are nothing and can do nothing. It is only through You and in You that we can do all things. It is when we allow You to clothe us with Your power from on high that we can do Your kingdom work that You have already planned for us. Thank You for revealing that this comes through prayer, constant communication and a humble posture of sweet surrender, because we want to, when we get to that glorious place of saying, “Lord, I can’t, but You can”. Oh my sweet Lord Jesus, that Your heavenly power will flow from Your throne of grace and rest upon us. Forgive our ignorance and obstinance. Deepen our need for You. Open our eyes, ears, hearts, souls, minds, will to Yours. You are the Way, the Truth and the Life. Thank You, Lord, for forgiving us. Thank You, Lord, for changing us. Thank You, Lord, for loving us first and always. We love You too! In Jesus holy and precious name, I ask and pray.

Yard work….I won’t lie….I’m not good at it. I don’t like it at all. I’m allergic to the outdoors in general, which at the very least makes yard work even more difficult for me. This spring I knew I was going to have to dig up some dead trees and shrubs, and make an effort to get a great amount done. I began the endeavor in May. I knew I was going to have to draw on the strength of the LORD and pray a lot during the process. I’m kicking myself for not taking “before” pictures. You see, this is a whole tale of redemption and restoration. We have new management in the community I live in. The manager provided me with a list of things around the yard that needed to be done. I knew some of it, obviously, the dead stuff. I also had a lot of split rail fencing, which needed to either be painted or taken out. There were also some raised bed gardens that the wood making the raised beds needed to be pulled up. Raised gardens are now frowned upon. This list was overwhelming, but not unreasonable. I was given a deadline to get it all done. I decided to take out the fencing because I didn’t want to paint it year after year, and I wanted to make mowing easier. I’ve totally stressed out my weed whip trying to trim around all the fencing. And so the yard work journey began. It was extremely hard. I’m not the strongest person. My ex-husband planted up the yard with bushes and trees. He was the one who planted the gardens, mowed the lawn, and took care of the trees and flowers. Bear in mind, it is beautiful, but I am not capable of taking care of it, nor do I have any interest. I am not a very good steward of God’s earth. Part of how and why my ex planted everything was to isolate. I was abused both physically and emotionally. If the isolation one feels in that situation isn’t bad enough, we were also closed off from our neighbors, like the beauty outside would somehow mask the ugliness inside. After many years of abuse, I cried out to the LORD, who rescued me and my son. He gave me a plan and with the help of family, we got my ex out of the house, and we were divorced. For the past few summers, I just got by with the yard work. This year, I knew would be different, not only because of the list management gave me, but this land of mine needed to be purged and healed. I spent quite a lot of time praying about it. I felt I was being selfish in my prayers, not focusing on others, but only myself. I didn’t feel like I was making progress fast enough. Plus, the weather was a great hindrance. It rained every time I planned to do some work. I also had this feeling I was being prideful by not asking for or accepting help. I sought the LORD and here is what I wrote in my journal along with God’s response: May 25, 2013 “Yard work. Boo!! Took out six trees, five grasses, some shrubs, weed whipped, mowed, tons of yard waste removed and wood burning. Von (my boyfriend) asked me if I wanted help. I feel this is a reckoning of sorts and declined. After working four hours today, the LORD spoke to me, ‘You’ve got to be the one to do this. You’re almost there. You have to tear down what he (my ex) built up, tear down his high places, his idols. He tried to make beautiful what is really ugly. You’ve got to unveil what he covered, expose what he wanted to keep isolated, remove the unwanted things he valued, dig up the dead so growth can continue, so that the dead may rise. You will grow through this. The dead in you will be gone. New growth can start, more healing, fruit and life. I’ve called you to live transparent. The view of your life must not be blocked or hindered by dead grasses and trees. You can’t love your neighbors with an obstructed view. You can do this. I will give you My strength. I will hold you up and hold you by the hand. You’re almost there. I am proud of you. Soon the destruction will be done. I will rebuild and make beautiful all that he destroyed and made ugly.’” Oh how my Daddy God encourages me! A few weeks later, still battling rain, I asked the girls in my Bible study group to pray that God would hold off the rain so the yard work could be completed. I had a deadline and needed to get it done. A bit of a side story, but it does go along with this. The man who lives across the street from me spent the winter telling anyone who would listen wild stories about me and my son, spreading rumors, which he told to my mom. She was worried sick about what he was telling her about us. I kept telling her not to listen to him, maybe not even talk to him. None of it was true. I prayed about that too, giving it to the LORD and letting Him fight that battle for me. I wanted to go knock on his door and tell him off. Thankfully, God kept me from doing that. Back to yard work….with the deadline approaching, I spent many hours in my yard digging and digging and digging. One of my neighbors, Anthony, helped me haul the dead trees away, I reconnected with my neighbors Dawn and Dean, and I met Bill and Vickie, and their two dogs, Bella and Sage. And, glory of all glories, the guy across the street came over. He let me borrow an axe to take down some bushes I didn’t want anymore. Larry is his name. His wife is Sharon. He came over and apologized for talking about me and spreading rumors. Wow! Thank You, LORD, for fighting for me! I couldn’t believe it. I did have a bit of a melt down on a Thursday, when it all seemed like too much and I felt like I was still getting nowhere. There was so much wood, from the fencing and flower beds. I didn’t know what to do with it. I called a few garbage companies to see about renting a dumpster, but they were all too expensive. Plus, I would have had to do a lot of lifting over my head. I was not blessed with height either and I hurt my elbow. At the suggestion of my boyfriend, I looked up refuge people on Craigslist. God brought me to Proper Disposal. They mention God in their mission statement. They also recycle all the items they pick up. Best part….they take wood. YEA!!! I called. Kelly came out, gave me a quote and the wood removal began. God finally allowed me to accept help after my great meltdown. My boyfriend, son and I worked for a few hours on a Saturday to finish getting all the wood out of the ground and stacked. I will forever be grateful for their help. Due to rain and a truck break down, it took a few extra days for the wood to be removed. Proper Disposal was fair in price and got the job done well. Kelly was great to deal with. I enjoyed talking with him while we loaded wood in this truck and trailer. Seriously, call them if you need stuff taken away. Proper Disposal LLC www.proper-disposal.com 616-218-6401 The hard stuff is done. I literally felt God take the burden off me and free me from any tie to the past. Now I only have to mow my lawn. Part of me was still hanging onto regret, from my former marriage and bad decisions. Even in that, God drew me near to Him. In my Bible study homework, Beth Moore writes: “We would know if something is worthy of cherishing out of those forgotten years only by the harvest that came from them! Some of you have experienced tragic endings to marriages and other close relationships. You may have had some wonderful years and good times in that relationship, but the hardship and resulting rift spoiled every good memory you had. God may want to bring a measure of healing to some memories that you still have the right to cherish. May I gently ask this question: Did any lasting “grain” come out of it? Any harvest? Physically? Tangibly? Spiritually? Did beloved children come of it? Did God introduce Himself to you through it? Did He show you His faithfulness in the midst of it? Did it produce any lasting transformation?” (The Patriarchs, Page 193) While I really don’t have good memories of my marriage, and thankfully no children resulted (my son is not his), but God did reveal Himself to me. That is something I can hang on to, something I can cherish. Through those ugly years, God was with me and protected me. He delivered me, rescued me, healed me, adopted me and set me free. Hallelujah! I gave all my regrets over to the LORD, my Daddy God. Without going through all those dark years, I wouldn’t have God. I wouldn’t have a great boyfriend, who truly loves me. I wouldn’t have experienced the overwhelming forgiveness my son granted me in all the mistakes I made. I wouldn’t have been reconciled to my family. I wouldn’t have an incredible church home, sisters in Christ, or even know God. The yard work is done. The healing has begun. God has done a great healing through it, just like He said He would. The true heroes of this story are: God, Von, Aubrey, my Bible study girls, Anthony, Larry, Bill and Vickie, and Kelly at Proper Disposal. Without any of them, I would not have gotten it done. God is not too busy for us. He loves us and wants to heal us. He wants us to be whole and holy. He wants a relationship with us. Without God, I am nothing. I, once again, stand hand in hand with St. Paul, and will boast all the more about my weaknesses. It is only through God’s strength that I do anything. I shall close with Paul’s words, from 2ⁿ^d Corinthians 12:9-10, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (NIV84)