Mentoring - Really?

Tuesday, June 14, 2011:  So this is where it begins.  At the library.  Seems appropriate, to me anyway.  It starts simply enough, looking for a book on how to be a mentor.  The self-help section left me shaking my head.  However, the Christian section has me dumbfounded.  Book after book of pretty preachers trying to tell me how to live, what kind of thoughts to have, how to let go and let God, how to stop sinning, etc.  Blah, blah, blah and all with smiles on their faces.  Trust me I’ve read some of those.  But here I stand, a life redeemed, and honestly I don’t know why.  I also don’t know why God would want me to use me, let alone be a mentor.  No idea at all.  All I can say is it’s not my idea.  I really don’t like people that much (I work with numbers for a reason).  Between work, a teenager who plays sports, a fine gentleman I enjoy spending time with, Bible study, church, housework, family, I don’t want to give up what little free time I have.  I’m selfish and have nothing to add to someone else’s life.  Plus, it’s scary.  I’m so under-qualified. 

Really, it began a day earlier.  I get to church early on Monday evenings; to make coffee, ready some hot water, put out hot chocolate & tea.  Monday night is Bible Study night for us girls.  Pastor B oddly was at church.  He said he “forgot” something.  We chatted for a bit.  He asked if might be willing to mentor a woman.  He gave me a few small details and asked me to pray about it.  I did, but I already knew the answer.  I came up with a list of Cons:  I have zero time, I don’t like people all that much, what possibly could I bring to someone’s life, I can’t commit to 5 months, it’s scary,  all negative, all along the same lines.  Here is my Pro:  God has been preparing me for this for quite some time.  Today, Pastor B emailed me about it.  I consented, but got to thinking about the hows of it all.  After looking for books, all I can come up with is only God knows how.

So I’m back to why?  It’s so God to put me outside myself.  I did say I am looking for ways to become even needier, more dependent on Him.  Well this is one way to do it.  All I really want out of life is time with my family, a man who loves me, a few laughs, and a little peace.  Maybe peace comes in the chaos.  Jesus did say for the weary to come to Him, and He would give peace.   I know this is right.  It might not be my timing, but it’s perfect timing all the same.  At the end of the day, when everyone else has dropped their stones and walked away from their judgment of me, why am I still holding onto a stone?  Why am I still ready to judge myself?  Maybe this is God’s way of moving me on, to accept that I have forgiven myself and finally let go.  Maybe this is God’s way of revealing Himself to someone He loves and values just as much as me, and that person needs to see and feel Him too.  Maybe she needs to know that side of God too.  Maybe together, we can teach each other what true friendship is. 

I can’t find the book I’m looking for on topic.  That’s just as much a God thing to me.  I can’t find what I’m looking for because God hasn’t written it yet.  So, here we are.  Here the story unfolds.  I will not reveal the name of sweet sister I will be mentoring, nor will I give any details of her life, our conversations, etc.  What you will get is parts of me, my life, and God’s training of me for such a time as this.  Welcome to my crazy world.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011:  Today, Pastor B passed on my contact info to the organization who is overseeing the mentor program.  I figured there would be a background check and some paperwork.  Yep, there was.  Filled out, passed along, waiting to hear back.  Oh yeah, it’s not 5 months; it will be closer to one year.  Are you sure, Lord?  Yet, despite the scariness of it, I feel perfectly at peace.  This is one way I know this is a God thing.  My life seems to be a constant whirlwind of activity.  Only when I am sitting at Christ’s feet do I feel any peace.  Tonight I will sleep in His arms.  Tomorrow is another day.